So I Didn't Miss The King

I have come back and forth to my blog probably 5 times this month but I just couldn't post any of it because I was simply not glorifying God by showing how negative I have been feeling this past month.  My goal this past month was to focus on the King.  I just kept reminding myself over and over again "don't miss the King".   Yes, I have been in the Word and my prayer life hadn't changed...I know you were probably thinking that (I would have) but why was I feeling so negative?  People would ask me "so are you ready for Christmas" and my answer would be "spiritually, yes".  My inside was not matching my outside at all.  Even though I knew I wasn't financially ready for Christmas, I really was okay with that.  This was me and my children's 5th Christmas with Jesus as our main focus and my husband's 4th Christmas so I knew they would be content with the small amount we give anyway.  My problem was I couldn't find a way to slow down.  

Christmas Eve came and my mom and dad's household was hit with the flu so we did something completely different this year and went to the Candlelight service at church.  It was perfect.  Though I was sad we weren't doing our normal family thing this was a great way to really focus on Him.  The next morning my dad was rushed to the hospital because his bronchitis and was in there until Saturday night.  So, we had a quiet Christmas.  My birthday was Saturday too so it was a quiet night too.  New Years Eve with the family was definitely not happening because they were all still sick.  So, we once again did something we've never done before, we went to the New Years Eve service at church and had communion with a small crowd.  Once again I was blessed beyond blessed. 

My focus of this story is actually not for anyone to feel sorry for me.  You see, even though we didn't have our normal festivities all the way up to the New Year I was given a wonderful gift of rest.  I had off from work the entire week and was able to rest.  I decided to skip where I was normally reading in the Bible and read the 4 gospels again.  But I didn't just read, I took notes and really studied it's contents.  I compared the parables and miracles.  I studied about the writer of each gospel and what audience they were writing to.  Matthew (the tax collector who himself became an apostle) who was a Jew was writing to the Jews.   As I read through Matthew, I wrote down each of it's prophesies and where they were located in the Old Testament.  I memorized the Beatitudes and took notes on all the locations of most of the activities in each gospel.  Mark, a gentile, was writing through Peter's experience. Took notes of all the songs and poetry in Mark.    I was thrilled to see that Luke also wrote Acts, was a missionary companion of Paul, met him while writing Acts.  Paul mentions him Colossians, Philemon and 2 Timothy his last letter where he states that only Luke is with him.  I could go on and on over the facts that I've studied but that wasn't my reason for this. Even though I've read the 4 gospels a handful of times I never thoroughly read them knowing each of their relationships to Jesus. Which just makes me even more excited to "study" and not just read the other books of the New Testament.  

So I was forced to slow down and rest in Him through this "uneventful" holiday ending my year focused on Jesus and ringing in the year focused on Him, falling even more in love with Him.

My prayer for each and everyone of you is:

May the Lord bless and keep you; may His grace and His face shine upon you, may the Lord lift up his countenance (smile) upon you; and give you peace. ~Numbers 6:24-26

Hope That Never Disappoints

  As we fly through the months, weeks and days...I finally find a way to slow down and enjoy this time of celebrating Christ's birth.  Our family started a tradition know as the Jesse Tree.  A countdown to Christmas day.  

 

I was introduced to the Jesse Tree by blogger, Ann Voskamp from Aholyexperience.com several years ago.  Each day has a Bible devotion, starting with Isaiah 11:1-2 for day one. 

"A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit." ~ Isaiah 11:1

What hope we have knowing that even though we were cut off from God because of our disgrace, Jesus can bring us new life and defeat sin.  

We finished day five today which is titled "Living by Faith".  My husband and son already walked away from the table (daughter was at youth group) and it gave me some extra time in prayer to reflect on my faith and where God has called me.  I hold a couple positions; daughter, wife, mother, aunt, sister and friend.  The list could probably go on longer but that's not of importance.  The most important part of my roles is that because I have been so blessed through Jesus, that I should aim to bless all. 

 I KNOW I fall short in this area in different ways.  I lack to make that phone call, give a hug, stopped to pray with or just giving my undivided attention.  I'm always going full speed ahead and I'm sure there are so many times I don't even realize who I've disappointed.  I guess I really haven't shown myself as a true example of Jesus.  My prayer is that as we begin this season of Love, I show my love outward to those who are in my life.  So grateful that He never disappoints!

A Firm Core In A Shaky World

  It's quiet.  We are just days from watching our outside being shaken by this hurricane that took lives and homes from our state.  As I sit inside today enjoying the warmth of my fireplace I can't help but feel guilty that I have this.  Right now as I type this there are rescue teams pulling debris away from what was once someone's home.  My town was fortunate to only suffer from a few power outages that only took a few hours to repair.  Though our area was not affected, our inner core was shaken.  We grieve for a family that had to bury their daughter only two days before the hurricane blew in.  Her young life was taken by two young boys that were only 2 years and 5 years older that too live in this town.  Only a day before this tragedy has taken place we had a car pull out in front of a moving train and by God's grace it took the car down the tracks with it and not into the 4 children standing right near the tracks.  We are just hearing news now, three weeks later, the mother and baby were just released from the hospital.

All that was mentioned above are things that we watch on the news, things that usually happen  from somewhere far away and has nothing to do with us.  The reality of it all is that it did happen and our entire community is effected by it all.  I myself still tremble of the thought that the car that was hit by the train was only 6 feet away from my 9 year old son.  He was even closer to it before the impact but another little boy quickly pushed them all back and told them to get back.  That day felt like something out of a movie.  I kissed him goodbye for the day and he walked to school.  Within a 2 minute time span I was upstairs brushing my teeth when we hear the train whistle blowing nonstop.  Fear came over me, especially when I heard my husband shouting "why is the train even coming thru with the kids walking to school?"   Most likely a minute went by when cars were backed up on our road.  It was unsettling to think of the worse.  Sirens were going off and emergency vehicles were heading the opposite direction from the direction Michael was going.  My husband walked the opposite direction himself to see what was going on.  I was in my son's room looking out the window when I saw the emergency vehicles now going the direction my son was going.  That was when my knees dropped to the ground and my arms went up to God as I pleaded with God to please don't take my son.  I ran down the steps and flew out the front door.  My neighbor Jean was coming out her door and we both ran down together.  As we came closer to the corner we hear "hi mom" in his squeaky voice and he's waving to us.  Jean and I both hugged and I was so relieved to find out he wasn't involved.  Another adult walked him to us and informed me that Michael was standing about 6 feet from the track and only seconds before that they were only 4 feet.  As they are giving me this information I couldn't help but shout "Thank you Jesus".  Those couple of minutes of not knowing if my son was safe or not was probably one of the worse experiences in my life and I cannot even think of how that mother and father must have felt those days of searching and then finding out the worse for their child.
Times like this is when I can pull myself back and really see how tangible my faith in God is.  That moment that the reality hit that it could be my son, I dropped to my knees and connected right with Him.  I could have probably been out that door 30 seconds sooner but I needed the Lord at that moment.  As soon as I was given the news that my son's life was in danger and he was safe I couldn't help but yell "Thank you Jesus" in front of this stranger.  Please in no way am I boasting about this.  As I explained in my "About Me" description, I've only been walking in faith for 4 years now.  To see myself instinctively go right to God in times like this just teaches me how much God has changed me and how more and more I need Him.

So today, in the quiet, I spend my entire day thinking of the reality around me.  I think about the picture I took last week of my family's stack of Bibles sitting in my dining room.

How sweet it is to know that even though the world is shaking around us, my family has Jesus as our core. As our small town shook two weeks ago with the news of this hideous crime, we also joined together in faith to cry out to our Lord.  It's a true blessing to see God's hands at work in our community and just gives me one more reason to thank Him for His unending love.

The Apple Really Doesn't Fall Far

 

Today was an "off" day for me.  Who am I kidding..everyday is an off day for me.  Those of you who know me very well know that I often say "I don't do normal".  I first off did not go on my morning run because I started doing a new "insane" exercise the past couple of  nights so I'm pretty much walking like I'm 90 years old this week.  So my normal..there I go saying normal.  My usual routine was off track from not getting up before the roosters to go out and run.  My husband spoils me rotten by always taking our dear daughter to school every morning and today he goes and throws a monkey in the wrench or however you say it and had a meeting early this morning and I had to take her.  So I wake the boy up and just told him to put on what he was wearing yesterday so we can hurry and get his sister to school.  We come back and I finally have my cup of coffee.  So he's wide awake and ready to go now.  He eats his breakfast, kisses me and runs out the door.  Then finally about 15 minutes later I realize the boy never changed into his fresh, clean school clothes.  The boy went through all the trouble to make sure I smelled his toothpaste breath and had me sign his homework book but never changed his clothes.  So after debating over it for a little bit I decided to spare him from being picked on or laughed at or who am I kidding...didn't want his teacher to think I just let my kid walk out the door with the same clothes on(even though I did)..don't judge!  So I take his shirt to school, they call him down to the office and he's looking at me like I have two heads.  "What are you doing here?"  I brought you new clothes.  "Why?"  Mikey..look at your clothes.  He just stared at his chest...then it clicked.  "Ohhhhhh".  The boy changes and goes back to school.  I rush to get to work. I come in the office and start telling pastor about my adventurous morning, he laughs and says it's normal for boys.  We laugh some more and I start getting to work.

Here's when it gets better.

I start my morning routine.  About a half an hour goes by and I realize that I never changed my own shirt!!!!  I was wearing the same shirt from Monday.   I was rushing to get my daughter out the door and I just grabbed that shirt and intended to get changed into the new shirt when I came home. Oh dear Lord, I just did the very same thing that the boy did!   I was literally banging my head on my desk when I realized the child did that and here I am doing it!  He learned it from watching me!  

Praise The Lord!

Quiet Time

 I did something very rare today.  I just let the day just go and whatever happened, happened.  At first, I was planning to relax, then I wanted to go outside, then I wanted to clean.  I had looked at the clock around 10:00 AM and didn't look at it again until it was beginning to get dark.  I did run to work for a few minutes to print out one last thing for church tomorrow.  I tend to have that one thing that pops into my head that I still need to do.  When I came home I sat down, lit a candle and just spent my entire day reading my Bible.  It turned into the perfect day.  The way I wish I could spend everyday.  I start my day daily reading the Word but I'm usually looking at the clock and have multiple interruptions with everyone in the house getting their day ready.  

This day was different.  I just read through and just completely absorbed it all in. It's such a wonderful feeling to feel Christ's presence.  It's especially wonderful when you knew what it was like to not feel it.  I went too many years to know what that feeling was like.  So when I have days like today it gives me great peace to just rest in Him.  
I stare into the candle and think about how my life used to be before I used to read the Word, before I received Christ. I didn't have a bad life before I received Christ.  I was blessed with a wonderful family who taught me all about Jesus.  But I made that decision not to read the Bible and go too "deep" into my faith.  I made some bad decisions when I hit adulthood.  Things I wasn't exactly proud of..I definitely wouldn't share with my children.  That all changed when I finally opened my eyes and let Christ set me free.  

Last week, during testimony time during church we were thanking God for those who serve in the children's ministry and I was fighting the Holy Spirit to stand up and give a testimony.  When Pastor announced the last one and it was done and over with, his son Micah was walking away with the microphone and my hand went up flying up in the air....it was too late to turn back now!  I (shaking) was thanking God for what the children's ministry did for me.  When I first started attending my church I never read the Bible, just bits and pieces here and there.  I had started a Sunday School class a week later and for the first time had to find things in the Bible to do my study.  I explained to the congregation how easy it is for us but for those who don't know how to read the Bible it can be pretty hard to figure out.  My then 9 year old daughter, who was already two weeks into the Awana program and Sunday School, had to show me how to use the Bible.  What a wonderful blessing to have my own child teach me how to read God's Word.

Those ladies who took the time to show my child how to the read the Bible did something amazing for my family that day.  A week later, my daughter showed me how to read the Bible and 4 months later I was teaching my husband how to read the Bible. That following September I jumped right into Awana's myself knowing what Christ can do for a family and I too can be part of His work.  My life was forever changed when I opened His word.  The blessings just poured along with it.

I spent this afternoon reflecting and thanking Him over and over again for this wonderful gift called grace that He's given me.  I didn't get outside today or lay around on the couch either.  No cleaning was done but God had me right there where he wanted me.  Quiet. In His word.  In His grace.  In Him.

Colossians 3:1-2
Since, then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds above, not on earthly things.
      

Trouble with time

This week was a whirlwind for me.  Between hurrying to pay things on time, getting things done in time or just getting home in time.  I just felt like I was always rushing so I could rush some more.  By the time I get home from work and try to get by household looking somewhat normal I have to start dinner.  Then I realize that I never took the chicken out this morning as I was heading out the door.  How could I forget!!  It's after 5:00 and I have to thaw out the chicken.  That's going to set back even more time.  I feel like my kids eat dinner later and later everyday.  All because of my poor time management.  So here I am thawing chicken legs under hot water with a cat and dog play fighting at my feet.  My kids were out the door as soon as my pocketbook hit the counter top so they can't even get the wild animals out of my kitchen.  After kicking them out I finally get to the last chicken thigh and realize the cat is gnawing on chicken skin picked out the trash.   It wasn't a pretty sight and as I pulled it out of his mouth he sounded like the cat from Pet Cemetery.  So I wash my hands again.  At this point I'm looking at the clock and it's 5:50!  I throw the chicken in the oven as fast as possible.  

Then it's a race to get a load of laundry in because there isn't one clean towel in the house.  Now it's time to get the boy back inside so I can check his homework.  He's not happy with me because I make him come inside.  Feet are stomping and arms are crossing.  Somehow, now I have a punished child.  Now I have to hurry and get the water boiling for the egg noodles as I'm steaming.    I look at the time and it's now an hour later.  I rushed so fast to get this meal complete and it's almost 7:00.  

My daughter sets the table, of course always just 3 spots since my husband doesn't get home until 8:30 at night.  I'm feeling a little sad and thinking how much I miss us having a meal together after work.  As my daughter gets the last of the silverware on the table I see my husband pull up in the driveway.  Both kids yell in excitement "Dad's home"!  Mikey is thrilled that he gets to eat dinner with his dad....all because we ate dinner so late.  I was so worried about us eating this late and here God had the timing perfectly lined up.  We said grace together and especially thanked God for having Mike home with us for dinner.  I was so glad that I didn't just throw something in that would cook fast.  Instead we were able to enjoy a delicious meal together.  We sat at the dinner table for over an hour just talking about our day.  I didn't even care that it was almost 8:30 and dishes had to be washed or kids had to be clean.  We were able to talk about the sermon that we heard in church this past Sunday.  It was the perfect night.  The windows were open and the crickets were chirping. For the first time all day, I didn't care what the clock said.  I was just so thankful for this special little gift of time with my loves.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Crock pots and Clutter

I had pulled out my crock pot yesterday just to give it a good washing since Fall is right around the corner.  Then after doing a little re-arranging I decided to leave it out on my counter since it made a nice decor.  That then inspired me to clean out the drawers and cabinets on my last day off of my little Labor Day vacation.  If you are anything like me then you know that can be an all day excursion and let me tell you they haven't been touched in well over a year and a half  since we moved to the house. 

To make things easier for myself I decided to use the crock pot today so I didn't have to worry about cooking dinner after the demolition began.  So I first started with the two drawers in my bakers rack...the smallest drawers in the house and the ones that have been cleaned out not too long ago.  I usually keep bills, pay stubs and coupons in these drawers so it was really a simple clean out.  I really have no clue why I have to hold onto a gas bill from 2011?  I always feel like I have to hold onto them incase I need my account information because there are probably 100 people with the same name as me living in the same town.   Then on to all the many coupons from last year.  We have to hold on to expired coupons so that we can never use them.  Then I sit there and wonder why I didn't use these coupons and start adding in my head how much I could of saved.  Then I pull out half filled out notebooks.  I realize I have 4 unfinished notebooks sitting here.  Of course this takes me about a half an hour because I have to read everything in it.  I've counted quite a few calories in the past year and have taken down phone numbers of people with no name.   It was time to get rid of the unorganized mess.  I filled up a brown paper bag pretty fast.

Then I turned around and looked at cabinets that made me want to get this exact house.  I had such hope for these cabinets!  

I decided when I moved here that I would no longer be a basket person.  I'd have about 5 different baskets full of everything that could fit into it.  These cabinets became my BIG basket.  From electronics to the little trinkets that you think you need to hold onto because it may go to that thing that you think may be up in the closet in your room.  Then I get pulling out all the school papers.  I think I had every single paper given to me from last year put into this closet.  I was literally pulling out a live calendar.  Back to school night papers, school picture order forms, Christmas Concerts, progress reports, Christmas store letters and lots of completed homework papers.  I cannot believe I held onto all of this.

This is when the guilt started to pop in.  There were times when I said to my son "you really need to tell mommy when you have book orders or school concerts because with my busy work schedule I need to know ahead of time".  How many times did the kids hand me papers and I left it on the table and then tried to rush around to clean up and the paper just got stuffed into the cabinet.  I wonder how many times I lost my temper with them over something that was completely my fault.   This cabinet clean out turned into something even bigger than I thought.  There were lunch calendars probably from every month of the year...I never even looked to see what they were having for lunch this year?  So I eventually got all the papers thrown into the trash but then I sat there and just thought about how I just let this past school year rush before me.  I hurried and checked homework papers, signed papers as they were walking out the door, hoped they had enough lunch money while I was at work.  I just sat there on the hardwood floor feeling like a complete failure.  With that I bowed my head and just went right to the Lord and asked Him for his forgiveness.  After being in prayer for quite awhile I felt a little better.  This gave me a new hope for this school year.  I'm excited to get a new system started with their new school papers so I can juggle my worklife and my homelife all at the same time.  

Meanwhile, my dinner was almost done and I treated my kids to their favorite, cornbread and brownies.  So, in one day I accomplished a few things:  organization, preparation, learned how to throw things away and most important going right to God to clean me out.  So at the end of the day I feel so much better that I was able to serve my family with a great meal and at the same time clean something that needed to be cleaned for a long time and I'm not talking about my cabinets.  The guilt of not putting my children as a top priority this past year is gone.  I'm looking forward to being handed that first school paper and seeing what God has in store for me this year.