I have come back and forth to my blog probably 5 times this month but I just couldn't post any of it because I was simply not glorifying God by showing how negative I have been feeling this past month. My goal this past month was to focus on the King. I just kept reminding myself over and over again "don't miss the King". Yes, I have been in the Word and my prayer life hadn't changed...I know you were probably thinking that (I would have) but why was I feeling so negative? People would ask me "so are you ready for Christmas" and my answer would be "spiritually, yes". My inside was not matching my outside at all. Even though I knew I wasn't financially ready for Christmas, I really was okay with that. This was me and my children's 5th Christmas with Jesus as our main focus and my husband's 4th Christmas so I knew they would be content with the small amount we give anyway. My problem was I couldn't find a way to slow down.
Christmas Eve came and my mom and dad's household was hit with the flu so we did something completely different this year and went to the Candlelight service at church. It was perfect. Though I was sad we weren't doing our normal family thing this was a great way to really focus on Him. The next morning my dad was rushed to the hospital because his bronchitis and was in there until Saturday night. So, we had a quiet Christmas. My birthday was Saturday too so it was a quiet night too. New Years Eve with the family was definitely not happening because they were all still sick. So, we once again did something we've never done before, we went to the New Years Eve service at church and had communion with a small crowd. Once again I was blessed beyond blessed.
My focus of this story is actually not for anyone to feel sorry for me. You see, even though we didn't have our normal festivities all the way up to the New Year I was given a wonderful gift of rest. I had off from work the entire week and was able to rest. I decided to skip where I was normally reading in the Bible and read the 4 gospels again. But I didn't just read, I took notes and really studied it's contents. I compared the parables and miracles. I studied about the writer of each gospel and what audience they were writing to. Matthew (the tax collector who himself became an apostle) who was a Jew was writing to the Jews. As I read through Matthew, I wrote down each of it's prophesies and where they were located in the Old Testament. I memorized the Beatitudes and took notes on all the locations of most of the activities in each gospel. Mark, a gentile, was writing through Peter's experience. Took notes of all the songs and poetry in Mark. I was thrilled to see that Luke also wrote Acts, was a missionary companion of Paul, met him while writing Acts. Paul mentions him Colossians, Philemon and 2 Timothy his last letter where he states that only Luke is with him. I could go on and on over the facts that I've studied but that wasn't my reason for this. Even though I've read the 4 gospels a handful of times I never thoroughly read them knowing each of their relationships to Jesus. Which just makes me even more excited to "study" and not just read the other books of the New Testament.
So I was forced to slow down and rest in Him through this "uneventful" holiday ending my year focused on Jesus and ringing in the year focused on Him, falling even more in love with Him.
My prayer for each and everyone of you is:
May the Lord bless and keep you; may His grace
and His face shine upon you, may the Lord lift up his countenance
(smile) upon you; and give you peace. ~Numbers 6:24-26
